I Am Me

Talmud is the name of a collection of ancient teachings and stories, a compilation, that is regarded as sacred by the Jewish community of faith. Woven through The Talmud are stories, rich and powerful, that go far beyond Judaism. An example:

When Akiba was on his deathbed, he bemoaned to his rabbi that he felt his life was a failure. His rabbi moved closer and asked why, and Akiba confessed that he had not lived his life like Moses. The poor man began to cry, admitting that he feared God’s judgment. At this, the rabbi leaned into his ear and whispered gently: “God will not judge Akiba for not being Moses; God will judge Akiba for not being Akiba.”

Admiring someone is one thing, but trying to be that person usually creates big problems. In junior high school, I admired a track star named Eddie. I was pretty swift when I was a kid and I figured that I could get even faster if I could run with the same style and technique as Fast Eddie. His natural running style was rather unique. His arms swung rather wildly and his stride was uncommon, a little half-step when he came off the starting blocks. I am sorry to say that my admiration became idolization. I want to run like Eddie became I want to be Eddie. I changed my style to match his and it was a disaster. No further details necessary, I quickly discovered that I can’t be someone else: the best I can do is to be me.

God will not judge Roger for not being Eddie; God will judge Roger for not being Roger. Maybe this story is one you need to think about, not in reference to someone else, but to yourself? The sacred scripture that I share with my Jewish friends, the Hebrew scriptures I call The Old Testament, is pretty clear: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” In my faith, I believe there was no template or construction manual. I am me and you are you, and nobody else is exactly like either one of us. Nobody can explain it, but each of us was put together and given a shove into the world so that we can be uniquely ourselves. For only by being my authentic self will I be able to love you honestly, serve you truthfully and live in this world humbly, knowing that each one of us is on a journey to experience The One who started all this. As I am not you and you are not me, so our life journeys will be different, and I will honor all the differences on my way to re-union, a re-union now, in the present tense. I’m not talking about death and after-life. Home is in the heart of God now, in this moment. There is room enough for all of us.

Perhaps the most profound statement about my life and about the implications of my life is: I am not Eddie.