Do You Happen To Have A Brown Paper Sack?

16 Jun

Dear Reader: This poem has very little spiritual value and it probably won’t expand your theological horizons. But it was fun.

Tie my hands behind my back!
Do you happen to have an old paper sack
I could use to stuff in my mouth?

I stepped on the scales at 4 o’clock,
by 6 I wasn’t beyond the shock
from those nasty numbers that laugh at me.

I remember the days of S, M, and L
but now I live in the virtual hell
of life at the corner of Chubby and Fat.

If I continue to stuff my face,
I calculate that at this pace
I’ll be the Eclipse of ’23.

Will no one have pity on this poor man?
How much more do you think I can
extend this belt and stretch these pants?

Do they sell Quad-Xs at the local store?
I simply can’t take very much more.
One more muffin, or two, and I’m through.

Well, it’s been two months and look at me!
Can you believe what you think you see?
CNN should cover this stunning news.

From two twenty-one to one eighty-six.
No deceptions, no schemes, no infamous tricks.
Do you remember that brown paper sack?
It works!

2 Responses to “Do You Happen To Have A Brown Paper Sack?”

  1. gz June 16, 2022 at 8:10 am #

    It is impolite to tell another, ‘your pants are too tight.’ Just glad the sack is working to reduce the belt size to ‘just right.’

  2. Jane Streubel June 17, 2022 at 12:04 pm #

    Incredible —make over; did you starve??
    I have discovered a similar realization, but “no will power” or “discipline”!! Now keep it off!
    Congratulations Roger!

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