Affirmations

When she caught the school bus that morning, everything seemed fine. Homework done. Good mood. A long weekend coming up for a national holiday. Everything was fine when she left home, but not so when she returned. Her Dad looked up as she came into the family room, dropped her overloaded backpack on the floor and slung herself onto the sofa. “Bad day, huh?” “Yeah, you might say that,” came the reply. Then remembering that his daughter had played a soccer game after school, Dad asked the inevitable question: Did you win the game? From that moment on, the conversation went downhill.

You see, if you don’t win, then by definition, you lose. May as well ask: Did you lose again? She stared into her Dad’s eyes for a full minute before breaking down in tears. Yes, a loser again. What Dad didn’t know is that his daughter had scored two goals in defeat. It seemed that winning was all that mattered.
But not all of us are winners, are we? Sometimes it seems like the value of good, honest, hard work is wasted if we don’t win. But wouldn’t it be refreshing, and thoughtful, to affirm each other’s efforts and not just the outcomes. Did you give it your best? Did you try hard? Are you happy with your part in the game? It’s like the dissertation the college student wrote that was taken apart by the review committee. Maybe it wasn’t the most profound academic attempt in the history of the school; maybe it could have been written better. But there’s more to living than winning or losing.

A kind and generous heart affirms the person, even if the outcome is not an A+. So, be generous with your affirmations. The value of a moment is not determined by winning or losing, but by how we have tried with effort, values, principles, integrity. Let’s go out of our way to affirm each other and not calculate success on the basis of winning or losing. Press on, but do so with a compassionate heart.