Controversy In Cornville

Do you think this could be between you and me?
I hold in my hand the official decree,
but I’m simply not ready to share the news.
There are so many conflicting views.
People are ready to take to the streets.
It seems like every person I meet
thinks his way is right and her way is wrong.
I don’t know whether I now belong
to the left or the right, to the blues or the reds,
but I do know that when this news is said,
there could be trouble ahead.

I never thought I would see the day
when honest and thoughtful people would say
such ugly things to their neighbors and friends,
conspire to fight to the bitter end.
It’s as if we’re about to start a war.
How did we let things go this far?
We lost control of our common sense.
There is no legal or moral defense
for violent acts when the news is read,
but the time has come; it must be said.
It must be said right now.

Your attention, please. I have something to say.
Please mark this down as the memorable day
when the long-awaited news was told,
and please maintain your self control.
The decision was made just yesterday
and I have permission to publicly say
that the Warthog parade and beauty contest,
along with the square dance and all the rest,
will start at 10 instead of 9,
but as a concession and neighborly sign,
the Cow Patty Toss will certainly get
the headline in tomorrow’s Tribune-Gazette.
Let me say, in conclusion, have a wonderful time,
and ain’t it just great that everything rhymed!